


Birthmark

by PotatoPIerrot



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Domestic Fluff, I Tried, Kaneki is finally happy, M/M, Reincarnation AU, also there are spoilers for those who haven't caught up with the manga, but Hide.. not so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:26:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2601815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatoPIerrot/pseuds/PotatoPIerrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Hide begins to experience strange dreams after befriending the timid boy in his class with the unusual birthmark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birthmark

There’s this one kid in Hide’s class who’s pretty strange.

He sits at the very back of the middle row, constantly hiding behind a book. He doesn’t talk and stand out much, and perhaps that’s exactly what tempted Hide to befriend him. He looks so _lonely_ , sitting there all by himself the whole day. Doesn’t he feel sleepy? Or bored? Or perhaps he feels satisfied with his solitude? Perhaps he’s happy with being alone?

Probably not. Hide knows no one’s happy with being alone.

So he finds one fine day to approach him. He waits until the end of a school day before bustling over and slamming his fists agitatedly on his table just as the boy was stuffing the remaining of his books into his satchel.

“ _Ack_ , I’m sorry!” Hide apologizes at once when he realizes he’d probably overdid things with the table slamming. The guy looks absolutely terrified now. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What do you want?” the boy asks warily, shifting uncomfortably on his seat. Hide breaks into a grin, showing off the gaps in his incomplete set of teeth. He sticks out his hand.

“I want us to be friends,” he says, and the other boy looks utterly stunned at his sudden proposal. “I’m Nagachika Hideyoshi, by the way. Just Hide’s fine though.”

“I know,” the guy mutters softly after a pause, his gaze flickering away. Hide thinks he sounded wistful back there.

“So,” he prompts, leaning his weight forward. “What’s your name?”

“..Kaneki,” the guy says after a minute of hesitating. “Kaneki Ken.”

“Kaneki, huh?” Hide echoes, as though to test how it sounds like on his tongue. “Great. Wanna go home together? Where do you live?”

Kaneki fidgets before answering, evidently made uncomfortable by Hide’s bombardment of questions. Hide could tell he isn’t used to making friends - not at such a fast pace, anyway- so he waits patiently. He’s feeling the excitement already; he couldn’t wait to tease him, to annoy him, to chide him playfully. To make him smile, laugh. To show him that the world they live in is every bit as colorful as those in the novels he’s always reading.

“District 22*, Midorigaoka,” Kaneki finally answers after about a minute, and Hide’s grin widens. Kaneki keeps his gaze focused to the side, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. This is the first time he’s telling a stranger his address. Heck, it’s the first time anyone asked to walk with him. Kaneki’s always so quiet and reserved that he’s almost invisible to the world. And though it feels just a tad bit lonely, it doesn’t really bother him. He has his books. He has his parents. It’s enough.

Kaneki isn’t much of the type who easily warms up to people, but something about this boy before him is different. There’s something about the energy his radiates, his sunshiny behavior, his utterly honest grin that strikes Kaneki as different and puts him at ease. Something in him tells him that it’s alright to trust Hide. That this kid is good for his health.

“Aw, man!” Hide bounces excitedly on his heels. “We practically live next to each other!”

There’s also something about his bubbly personality that makes Kaneki smile. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Hide says, his eyes positively sparkling. “My place’s at District 12.”

Kaneki only stares at him because it hasn’t really occurred to him until then that someone from his school actually stayed somewhere so close by to his own home. Hide laughs good-naturedly, walks around his desk, and grabs his arm.

“Say, what about we go get some ice-cream on the way?” he suggests as Kaneki stands up and slings the strap of his satchel over his shoulder. “I heard there’s this shop near the clinic that sells absolutely amazing chocolate soft cream. We can make it like the official start of our friendship or something! And  you can be the first one to treat me.”

“Umm, I don’t think I have enough money with me right now?” Kaneki says reluctantly, trying to remember how much he carried with him that day. He stares uncomprehendingly at the other boy when he starts chuckling. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re so naïve, it hurts,” Hide breathes, and Kaneki isn’t coming to a better understanding. “I’m just joking, buddy! There’s no way I can make a guy I just met treat me.”

Kaneki feels the blush rising to his cheeks again, but Hide’s decent enough to not tease him about it. Instead, he tugs at his arm, and tells him to let’s get going. Kaneki feels a strange warmth well up in his chest as he allows himself to get dragged along by Hide’s pace.

They’d just met, but he’s sure he hasn’t felt this happy in a long, long time.

**xXx**

There’s one peculiar thing Hide notices about Kaneki, and that’s that he’s usually the last person to arrive for gym class.

While the other guys would just shamelessly strip down to their underwear before donning their gym clothes and tumbling out of the classroom in a race to reach the facility first, Kaneki would just sit there behind his desk and keep reading until the last of them were gone before finally proceeding to change. Hide thought he’s just painfully shy at first, but when he asks one fine day while they were hanging out in a playground together, Kaneki just carefully avoids the topic and seeing how hard he’s trying (Hide noticed because he was talking about _girls_ of all things - Kaneki never even dared _glance_ at one as far as he knew), Hide isn’t exactly able to bring himself to keep prying on the spot.

 And when they get to middle school (Hide follows Kaneki, as expected) where P.E is an elective subject, Kaneki bails out entirely, preferring to opt for art class instead. Hide doesn’t really understand. Is he really _that_ shy? To the point that he doesn’t even dare change in front of other guys? Or maybe it’s something he’s ashamed of? His obviously thinly body? A scar of sorts? Or even worst - a scar at the most embarrassing of places? The latter two seems likely. From all his time spent with the other boy, Hide notices how he had never actually seen Kaneki wearing clothing that are even slightly see through. His t-shirts are all colored and he wears thick undershirts beneath his summer uniform despite the heat that came with the season.

Hide does find out, eventually, and that’s only when Kaneki’s ready to reveal his secret after so many years of friendship. Actually scratch that - it isn’t anything as cheesily romantic as that at all. They’re hanging out in Kaneki’s place that incredibly hot summer’s day, and even the black-haired boy’s tolerance could not stop the temperature from driving him crazy. They went straight upstairs as soon as they stepped into the house, cheering loudly when Kaneki’s incredibly nice mother announces that she’ll be bringing them iced lemonade in a few minutes.

And so Hide had very casually went topless and flopped on the floor when he realizes  that Kaneki too, is boldly stripping off his shirt. The latter’s just about to start pulling his t-shirt over his head when Hide just freaks out for some reason and starts screaming.

The noise he makes startles Kaneki so badly that he nearly jumps. “What’s with _that_ all of the sudden?”

“I’m still here, you know,” Hide reminds him, though the look on his face pretty much betrays him. His curiosity is on the verge of killing him already. Kaneki raises an eyebrow at him, then reaches for the hem of his shirt and pulls the garment off.

“Whoa, _whoa_ , Kaneki!” Hide covers his eyes, peeking through the very obvious gaps between his fingers. “What’s with the sudden courage, man?”

“It’s hot,” Kaneki says simply, and turns on his heels to fetch the remote of his air-conditioner. He’s not the type to usually turn the appliance on unnecessarily because electricity is expensive, but that day’s an exception. It’s hot and humid and he’s sweating so darn much he’s about to start punching a wall.

Hide stares at Kaneki’s bare torso, wondering for the umpteenth time about what could’ve driven him to try so hard at not letting others see him without a shirt. Hide sees nothing wrong at first; just an expanse of pale skin over a thinly body like how he’d imagine it to be (not that he imagines it a lot, mind you). It’s only when Kaneki turns around that the blond finally finds the answer to the question he’d been trying to ask since the first few months of their friendship.

On the entire stretch of skin over Kaneki’s lower back, from the bottom of his ribcage down to his hips, is a scar.

No- not a scar. It looks much too natural to be a remainder of an old injury.  

“A birthmark,” Hide mutters when it sinks in, somehow unable to take his eyes off the irregular dark patch. It’s strange. It gives him this feeling of unexplainable nostalgia, and he doesn’t know why. It also feels similar to the times when he’s trying to remember a word he knew but it only lingers at the very edges of his memory and refuses to be recalled. He feels like he should know why Kaneki’s born with this strange mark and why it’s there of all places.

“I hid it because I didn’t want anyone making a big fuss out of it,” Kaneki explains before Hide could even open his mouth to ask. He walks back over after replacing the remote into its holder and settles down on the side of his bed facing the blond, a queer look on his face. “I’m sure many people will freak out if they see it since it looks so big and menacing. Heck, they might even think that my parents are splashing me with boiling water or something and that I’m suffering from child abuse at home and it’ll be such a bother to convince them otherwise.”

“I think it’s pretty cool, though,” Hide tells him, folding his arms behind his head. Huh. There’s a slight squeeze in his chest. He works to ignore it.

“I guess it is?  A little bit?” The right corner of Kaneki’s lips quirks upwards in a lopsided smile. He leans back, using his arms to support his weight. He sees the Hide’s expression, and tilts his head to the side. “What’s wrong?”

Hide blinks, as if snapping out of a trance. “W-What?”

“Is something wrong?” Kaneki asks again, knitting his eyebrows in concern. Hide laughs uneasily, averting his gaze to the side.

“Don’t know,” he admits, his voice a queer tone. “It’s just.. this feels kind of familiar. Weird, huh?”

“But it’s the first time I’m showing you this,” Kaneki says, and Hide shrugs, his shoulder blades brushing against the cool wooden flooring. 

“Like I said, I don’t know,” he tells him, almost sounding pleading. He wants to know. He wants to know why he suddenly feels so happy yet so melancholy at the same time.

“Hey, Kaneki, you think-“ Hide starts but is abruptly cut off by a series of knocks on his best friend’s door. Kaneki’s mother steps in, balancing two big glasses of iced lemonade and a huge bowl of chips on a tray she carried carefully. She’s a petite, kindly bespectacled lady who knows exactly how to make a couple of growing adolescents happy. And Hide could see just how much her son adores her. Not that he doesn’t understand the reason why he does. She’s so motherly that Hide himself asked her permission to call her Mum after their first two meetings.

His own mother is going to be so jealous if she finds out, but _eh_.

“Oh my,” she gasps slightly when she spots the two half naked boys - particularly when she sees her son shirtless in front of a person who’s not family. She doesn’t comment, however, and Kaneki does not have the need to explain himself. “Remember to put on your shirts before it gets too cold, okay, boys?”

“It won’t feel cold even if it starts snowing,” Hide whines pathetically, rolling on his belly. Kaneki’s mother laughs, setting the tray down onto Kaneki’s desk. “Oh, and thanks for the food, Mum!”

“It’s my pleasure,” Kaneki’s mother replies, smiling sweetly. “Have as much as you want. There’s still more downstairs.”

Hide grins back at her as she leaves before working up enough strength to peel himself off the floor. He then heads over to fetch the drinks, taking a big gulp of lemonade from his glass while he hands Kaneki the other.

“Thanks,” Kaneki says, taking a sip. He pauses for a moment to savor the cold, refreshing taste of citrus in his mouth before adding, “You were saying?”

“Hm?” Hide is just stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth. Kaneki motions for him to wait until he’d swallowed everything before urging him to continue. “Saying what?”

“You were about to tell me something when Mother walked in,” Kaneki reminds him, lifting his legs up onto his bed to cross them. Hide scrunches up his face in thought.

“Hmmmm - _ah_!” He snaps his fingers. “I remember now.”

“And..?”

Hide looks right into his eyes, and hopes it isn’t obvious that he’s not exactly telling the truth. “I was about to ask you if you’d like to visit that newly opened café down at the station with me tomorrow.”

**xXx**

In his dream, Hide sees Kaneki.

His appearance is very different there; he’s older, his hair a little longer and pure white, his build lean and muscled. His clothes are different from what he usually wears, too. Instead of his usual painfully normal t-shirts or polo tees or hoodies or cardigans with jeans or slacks, the Kaneki in his dream wears an attire of pure black that exposes almost the whole of his back.

But even with his completely different look, Hide recognizes him. It’s like he just _knows_ that this person is his best friend. He doesn’t need his eyes to confirm it. He simply knows.

And in his dream, Kaneki is injured, bleeding, and on the very verge of breaking.

He’s muttering something over and over and over under his breath, his fingers roughly entangled in his hair as though wanting to forcefully yank the strands out. A dark red substance that looks suspiciously like blood covers his mouth area and hands and stains his clothing. Hide isn’t able to hear what he’s saying even though he’s right in front of him. He gives up after a few tries and attempts to read his lips instead. It takes him a while to focus but he finally manages to get it.

And he feels like he’d just stepped in front of a speeding truck.  

_“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry- get out, get out - it hurt, hurts, hurts Mother it hurts I’m sorry Mother Mother I ate him give it back I’m sorry I’m so sorry sorry-“_

Hide wakes up with a jolt, sitting upright so abruptly that his head spins. With a frustrated sigh, he plops himself back onto his pillow and shuts his eyes, willing the queasiness to go away. He sniffs to clear his clogged nose, and it’s only then that he notices the tears streaming down his cheeks. Bewildered, he rubs the back of his palms across his eyes to stop the waterworks. What’s _that_ all about? He tries to figure it out but fails pitifully. Having no urge whatsoever currently to start another attempt, he feels for his phone on his nightstand to look at the time. It’s much too early for him to be awake at this hour, but something compels him to try. Hide clicks into his contact list and scrolls through the names until he reaches the one he’s looking for.

“ _Mmph?_ ” Kaneki doesn’t even bother forming a proper sentence when he picks up. Hide scratches his scalp with his free hand and yawns. Sleepiness is contagious. Another proven theory.

“Hey, buddy, sorry to call you at this hour-” he starts and yelps audibly when Kaneki bluntly announces that he’s hanging up. “W-Wait!”

“ _It’s five in the morning and it’s a_ Saturday _,_ ” Kaneki grumbles and Hide starts grinning, despite himself. Kaneki’s definitely not a morning person. “ _Go back to sleep, Hide_.”

“Well, I’d like to but-“ Hide trails off, hesitating. He could practically sense Kaneki’s impatience from the other side of the line. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

And he finally has Kaneki’s attention. “ _What do you mean?”_

“Just a bad dream, no biggie,” Hide assures quickly, though he accidentally lets a quiver creep into his voice. He’s genuinely unsettled by the sheer strangeness and familiarity of the dream. His drowsy mind struggles to grasp for answers. Maybe it meant something. Maybe it’s telling him something.

 _“..Hide?”_ Kaneki’s begins after half a minute of silence. Hide lets out another involuntary yawn and answers in a sleepy murmur. He’s honestly amazed at the sheer comfort he gets from hearing his best friend’s voice and how it instantly relaxes him.

“Yeah?”

“ _I’m completely fine,_ ” Kaneki says, the earlier edginess in his tone gone and replaced with a gentleness that reminds Hide of his own mother when she nursed him back to health during all those times he fell sick when he was younger. “ _So please don’t worry about me.”_

“I’ll do that,” Hide tells him, his eyelids already drooping. He mutters something incoherent after that, his words so slurred that Kaneki giggles. He makes an indignant sound at the base of his throat, but he’s really too sleepy to actually be angry at him.

“ _May you have sweet dreams Hide_ ,” Kaneki’s mellow voice sounds from the other side of the line, and he hangs up without waiting for his reply.

Several hours later, Hide’s mother storms into his room to find him asleep with his fingers curled loosely around his cellphone and a dopey smile on his face.

**xXx**

“Can I touch it?”

Kaneki stares at Hide incredulously, his head cocked to the side. His feeling of stupefaction, however, is short lived because Hide is apparently dead serious about the matter. Kaneki only saw that look in his bright, brown eyes a few times before when he’s defending him from the bullies at school and when he raged about the news regarding the harassment of his favorite music artist a year back. There’s something else in them this time, and Kaneki’s not good enough in body language to quite place what it is.

“Promise you’re not secretly intending to tickle me?” Kaneki says warily, and Hide laughs, a bit of his usual shine returning in spite of his efforts to be grave. Kaneki loves Hide’s laugh as much as the latter likes his own. Hide claims he has one hell of a chuckle while Kaneki simply adores his because it never fails to remind him of summer breezes and the warmth that comes with the transition from winter to spring. Hide’s laugh is pleasant and comforting, just like how his entire person is.

And sometimes Kaneki thinks that a gloomy, dull guy like him does not deserve a friend like him. Hide always hits him after he says that.

“If I’d wanted to tickle you, I ‘d personally prefer to wait for the right chance to sneak up on you rather than to ask you face to face,” Hide tells him a tad bit unconvincingly, but Kaneki figures he has a point. Hide does enjoy teasing him deliberately at times - particularly when he’s visibly feeling down as an attempt to cheer him up again.

And he’d always been successful. Kaneki doesn’t know how he does it, but Hide seems to have this particular skill in dragging him out of his dumps.

“Why so suddenly, though?” Kaneki inquires as he lifts his shirt to reveal his birthmark. It’s amazing how little it bothers him to let Hide see it now.

“I had another dream,” is all Hide says before falling quiet. He trails his fingers on the patch of darkened skin, mildly fascinated by how smooth the surface is. Kaneki glances at him over his shoulder.

“What’s it about this time?” he asks, curious. He knows that Hide’s been having these series of dreams every once in a while about seeing him in a different getup and appearance. Kaneki knows that in Hide’s visions, he has white hair and black fingernails and always seems very sad whenever Hide gets the chance to see his face. Sometimes, he’s covered in blood and frantically chanting strange things over and over again under his breath. Sometimes he’s with a group of people they’d never seen before. Sometimes he’s wandering in the sewers alone. Sometimes he’s working in a café as a waiter.

“You sure you want to know?” Hide asks back almost absently. He traces the irregular outline of Kaneki’s birthmark, making the ticklish boy shudder slightly.

“I guess?” Kaneki reaches behind himself to scratch the spot that itched. Hide pauses for a moment as if to add effect before speaking again.

“You had tentacles sprouting from your back,” he says, sounding too solemn for Kaneki to think of it as a bad joke. “At the exact spot where your birthmark is.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t the best reaction in the world, but it’s all Kaneki could get out. There’s only so much one can say when their best friend tells them that they dreamt of them sporting tentacles.

“They’re dark red and are apparently really pointy,” Hide adds just for the sake of adding, tugging Kaneki’s shirt down again before giving him a pat. “And they kind of just burst out of this spot when you need them? So yeah.”

“You look really disturbed by that,” Kaneki points out, and Hide just laughs.

“Well, other than the fact that I thought you looked damn cool for some reason,” he says, walking over to flop himself down on his bed. “You were being a _teeny_ bit violent there.”

Kaneki shifts uncomfortably at the news. “Was I hurting people?”

He turns to face him just as he’s nodding slowly. Dread abruptly settles down on the pit of Kaneki’s stomach. The person in Hide’s dreams couldn’t be him. He couldn’t. He’s afraid of even the little poodle one of his neighbors owns and always take the extra effort to avoid it whenever he can. Bullies target him in school for a reason! He can’t fight to save his life, let alone harm others.

“But from what I get, you had no choice,” Hide adds, his throat feeling increasingly raw with every word that leaves his mouth. “You had to protect the people precious to you, so you had to fight.” He pauses, and swallows a shaky breath. The Kaneki in his dream had been caught up in a tragedy. He’d been forced to do so many things he didn’t want to do. He’d sacrificed so much in order to keep the people he cared for safe; his kindness and compassion, his soft-spoken self, his life as a normal college student. His sanity. Hide could feel it; how sometimes the Kaneki in his dreams seemed to be threading on the fine line between sense and madness through his fervent mutters, his occasional maniacal laughs, his constant chanting of apologies.

And what Hide felt more than sadness, more than the distress of seeing his best friend in that shape even if it’s in a dream, is frustration. He couldn’t reach him every single time; not his voice, not his touch. He’s only there to watch, to learn, and to feel physical pain eating away at his chest until it becomes almost impossible to breathe.

“Hide, it’s alright,” Kaneki’s gentle voice jars Hide back into reality, and the latter belatedly realizes that his best friend had settled down beside him, a hand on his shoulder. “They’re just bad dreams. I’m here. I’m not hurt and I’m not hurting anyone.”

Hide takes a breath, and exhales slowly through his mouth. He blinks hard to stop the sudden tears from escaping yet again. The fact that he’s feeling so unnaturally emotional towards a mere series of connected dreams only adds to his suspicions and speculations.

Perhaps those aren’t just ‘dreams’.

“You better not be,” Hide manages to say once he’d calmed down enough. He turns to Kaneki and smiles a crooked smile. “Or else I swear I’ll absolutely freak out.”

**xXx**

Hide really loves running his hand up and down against Kaneki’s lower back whenever they cuddle or do anything intimate.

Falling for his best friend was cliché as hell, but it had been something neither of them could really help. Kaneki’s absolutely terrible with talking to girls (thanks to all his time spent immersing himself in fiction instead of socializing like a normal growing youth) and unwilling as he is to admit, Hide hadn’t been in a much better situation. And so, like with any other typical romance stories that had to do with the couple being close friends since childhood, they eventually had their realizations, self-denials, the awkward phase, and finally, confessions and acceptance.

Hide’s father outright kicked him out of the house as soon as they worked up the courage to tell him, but Hide figures it doesn’t really matter. He believes that he’ll get over it with time and bring himself to go with the flow in the end. His mum had no problems with it, though. In fact, she even sends him cheesy relationship advice twice a week to make sure he doesn’t heck up and ruin things and return home crying.

Kaneki’s parents, on the other hand, are wholly supportive of their relationship. Kaneki’s father - a tall, timid man whom Kaneki no doubt took after in terms of personality - had no objections as long as his son is happy while his mother had observed the two of them enough to know that they’re good for each other. Kaneki needs this happy, energetic boy in his life, and Hide needs someone to focus all his enthusiasm and overflowing affection on.

They’re good for each other.

“I discovered that your hair hadn’t always been white,” Hide brings up out of the blue as he absently runs his fingers through Kaneki’s dark locks. Since he’s exiled from his own home for the time being, he’s bunking in at the Kaneki household with his boyfriend as his roommate. Kaneki’s bed is a snug fit for the both of them, but since his room isn’t big enough for an extra futon either (his bookshelves alone takes up _half_ the place), nobody really cares. The pair is content with having the chance to fall asleep to each other’s warmth while Kaneki’s parents are confident that they’re _way_ too awkward to start doing strange things so soon, so they let them be.

Kaneki hums to show that he’s listening. He adjusts his position so that his head rests comfortably in the crook of Hide’s neck. He takes in a breath, and sighs softly in content. Hide smells like warm milk with a tinge of vanilla and it’s absolutely lovely. If the term ‘home’ came in the form of a person, it’d be Hide. Hide, with his comforting arms and gentle warmth and fierce protectiveness. With his cheery voice and positivity and ever-ready words of affection.

Hide slips into silence instead of resuming, but Kaneki doesn’t mind. He’s always a little subdued whenever he tells him about his dreams of the white-haired him. Hide recalls and describes them with vivid detail, as though they were real and not merely hazy visions created by his overactive imagination. And Kaneki believes Hide when he tells him that they probably aren’t just dreams. His own willingness to not doubt his descriptions urges him to do so.

“You went through a lot before it finally turned,” Hide finally speaks again after around five minutes of wordlessness. He taps his fingers on Kaneki’s back - a sort of nervous quirk Kaneki noticed he’d developed ever since they got together. “A lot of pain and grief you did not deserve.”

Kaneki nods, saying nothing. Really, there’s nothing much to comment on. He gets the feeling he shouldn’t ask what form had the pain and grief been in. Something tells him that it’s better for him not to know, to leave things as they are. For his own good, Kaneki shouldn’t know.

“Also,” Hide’s tone took a very abrupt turn. He’s barely able to hide the amusement from his voice when he says, “It all started when you tried going out on a date with this tall, elegant-looking lady with purple hair who liked the same morbid books you always read.”

“So isn’t it a good thing that I’m not dating any suspicious ladies right now?” Kaneki says and feels Hide’s chest shaking as he chuckles.

“It’s a good thing that you’re here with me at all,” Hide whispers. Once the mirth is gone, he’s sober once more. “I’m really sorry, Kaneki.”

“Don’t apologize,” Kaneki tells him, wrapping his arms a little tighter around the blond. “You did nothing wrong.”

“ _You_ were the one who did nothing wrong.” Hide’s voice is a little husky from emotion. Kaneki feels the hand on his back curling into a tight fist. “I knew of your situation. I could’ve helped you, could’ve stayed by you. I could’ve stopped you from doing all those things that hurt you.”

“Hide, it’s alright.” Kaneki shifts his position so that he’s able to look at his best friend in the face. He cups Hide’s cheek with his hand, his thumb brushing circles on the area just above his cheekbone. “It’s alright now.”

“You don’t understand,” Hide insists, his gaze unable to meet Kaneki’s. The pain and self-disappointment and loathing in his eyes is something Kaneki had never seen before and would prefer to never see again. “You did so many things for my sake because you didn’t want to get me caught up in all the violence. You called for me so many times when you were hurting or crying or feeling like you were going insane or even all three at once.” Hide takes a sharp breath before finally looking at his companion in the eye. He smiles; a bitter smile. “But I didn’t come for you.”

“You’re here with me _now_ , aren’t you?” Kaneki tells him gently, brushing a stray bundle of hair that stubbornly refuses to stay in place behind Hide’s ear over and over again. “Isn’t this all that matters?”

“Still.” Hide tilts his head so that their foreheads touch. “I’m sorry, man. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Kaneki says, his hand moving to rub the nape of Hide’s neck soothingly. “So please don’t look so upset anymore, okay?”

 Hide reluctantly nods before heaving a big sigh. He then tries for a grin, and Kaneki sees that it’s more natural now. It’s not so forced this time. “I can’t stay like _this_. I can’t be depressed when I’m supposed to be your ball of sunshine!”

“I have no idea what made me tell you that,” Kaneki groans, blush rising to his cheeks as he glances away. Hide laughs, and leans in to plant a fleeting kiss on his boyfriend’s pouted lips.

“Awww don’t be mad at meee!” Hide sing-songs once he’d pulled back. “I’ll do anything! I’ll cuddle you as much as you want tonight and shower you with kisses and make your bed the next morning and buy you that book you want so much and eat your vegetables and-“

“Oh, shut up,” Kaneki hisses playfully before grabbing his collar and yanking him in for another kiss to stop his rambling. Hide’s always pleasantly surprised by the former’s tendency to be very bold at times. He smiles against Kaneki’s lips and kisses back, his fingers uncurling once more to splay across the other boy’s birthmark like how he likes it. It’s just a chaste kiss; a few continuous pecks on each other’s lips and nothing more. No passionate, sloppy open-mouthed kisses. No nibbling on lips and out-sticking of tongues. But it’s fine. It’s more than enough as it is.

“I love you, Hide,” Kaneki mutters against Hide’s chest once they’re done, burying his face into the soft fabric. He listens to his heartbeat through the material of his shirt, letting the consistent thumps slowly lull him to sleep. Hide wraps his arms around him and brings them even closer, entangling their legs into a mess underneath their shared blanket.

“I know,” he replies fondly. He settles his chin on the top of Kaneki’s head, enjoying the feel of  his silky hair on his skin. “I love you too, Ken. And I promise that I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for whatever happened to you the last time.” He pauses, and when he speaks again, his voice is tender. “I swear I’ll make sure you’ll never live a tragedy again.”

Kaneki hums once, then goes completely silent. Hide listens to his steady breathing, a million things running in his mind. His gaze wanders all around Kaneki’s room, taking it all in and burning it into his memory. They’d both be attending their first day of college in a month, and would be moving out to an apartment closer to their university the very next week. It won’t be the last time they’d be using this room since Kaneki promised his parents he’d come home every semester break to keep them company, but it still feels a little difficult to let go.  Hide can’t imagine how hard it is for Kaneki who practically grew up in the place.

Hide isn’t really sure how much time had passed before he finally finds the urge to sleep, but he supposes it doesn’t matter. He places a kiss on the top of Kaneki’s head before shifting into the most comfortable position he’s able to find.

He then takes a breath, and closes his eyes.

**xXx**

In his dreams about their past life, Hide’s usually in the third person perspective. Sometimes, strangely enough, he’s in Kaneki’s point of view. Sometimes, he’s in his own.

This time, it’s the last one.

 He’s in this sort of dark tunnel which he guesses is the sewers (again) judging by the pungent smell in the air. There’s a sloshing sound with every step he takes, meaning he’s wading through probably very gross, very dirty water. Hide couldn’t feel anything in his dream, but just to thought of it made him shudder in disgust. He soon forgets about it, though; right after the metallic smell of blood reaches his nostrils.

It takes a moment for it to occur to him that the smell’s coming from him, so he looks down to inspect himself. He realizes that he’s missing the whole of his left arm and even a bit of his shoulder, but for some reason, it doesn’t really take him aback. It doesn’t hurt. Although he’s bleeding so hard and Hide should really freak out more, it doesn’t hurt.

He makes a turn at a junction and keeps walking. As he trudges on, Hide spots a light at the far end of the tunnel. That’s where he has to go. He heads towards it, one heavy, unbalanced step at the time. It’s only when he’s almost there and that the light is at its brightest that it occurs to him that the corners of his vision are slowly turning dark. Hide isn’t sure how he knows this, but he’s about to pass out, and he needs to hurry up.

He enters this sort of underground chamber that he later realizes is not really that bright at all. The only illumination is from the few flickering electric lights that miraculously still worked, but with his eyes adjusted to the pith black darkness in the sewer, even the flame of a small candle could blind him.

The smell of rot from the mound of hundreds of corpses littered on the ground is overwhelming, and Hide feels bile rise up in his throat even though he knew full well that this is just a memory and nothing more. He works to swallow it, his eyes darting around in search for him. There are a few letters carved on the pillar just to his right: V14. This is where he should be.

And he finds him, lying alone on the ground in the middle of a huge square free of dead bodies. As though the deceased themselves had made way for a battleground. Hide hurries towards him, stumbling and constantly tripping on his own feet in his haste. But he can’t go any slower. He’s running out of time.

Kaneki’s motionless when Hide reaches him, two huge gaping holes in the place of his gray eyes. There’s blood everywhere. Hide drops to his knees beside him and gently brushes the back of his fingers against his cheek. His skin is still a little warm. His chest isn’t rising and falling.

“You’ve worked hard, huh, buddy?” Hide hears himself say, his own voice weak and coarse. Oddly enough, there are no tears, no pain in his chest, no hatred towards who did this to him. Just a certain kind of numbness, a certain feeling of peace.  

“Wait for me just a little longer, okay? I’m joining you soon,” he continues, retracting his hand so that he could use it to help ease himself onto the ground. The cold cement presses against his back and blood soaks into his shirt, but he barely feels a thing. He reaches for Kaneki’s limp hand, and holds it tight in his own.

His vision is rapidly fading out as he gazes at the ceiling above them. He halfheartedly ponders if death is really supposed to feel so calm and satisfying. He doesn’t get far because he’s so, so tired and his head is spinning like crazy. _Huh_. He must’ve lost more blood than he thought. He didn’t know losing an arm could kill a person.

“Hey, Kaneki..?” he manages to say after a few failed attempts to get his voice out. It takes every shred of willpower he owned to not succumb to the temptation of closing his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m such a sorry excuse for a friend.”

He’s greeted by silence; a haunting, empty silence. Hide takes an effortful, shuddering breath before breaking into a series of bloody coughs.

“I promise.. I’ll find you again.. in the next life,” he rasps. It’s getting harder and harder to breathe, but he forces himself to keep going. “I’ll make up for all my mistakes here and all the things.. I was helpless in the next time. That’s why,” He exhales a slow, shallow breath, unable to keep himself awake much longer. “Rest tight, buddy.”

Hide slowly blinks into awareness, wincing slightly when the sunlight streaming in from the window reaches his eyes. He glances at the clock hung on the wall right across the bed, and sees that it’s still early. He turns his head and almost gets himself a mouthful of dark hair. Kaneki’s curled up into a ball by his side while he had his limbs splayed all over the sheets. Careful not to wake his companion, Hide moves to fetch and drape the neglected blanket over the both of them once more. It’s a chilly morning and they’re not planning to start the day anytime soon.

Kaneki’s arm snakes around his midsection once he’d settled down again, as though subconsciously afraid that Hide would leave. Hide places his hand on his companion’s and pats gently to assure him that he’s staying. He gazes at the peaceful, serene look he’s wearing for a moment before leaning in to place a small peck on each of his eyelids, and muttering in a quiet whisper;

 “I found you, Kaneki.”

**Author's Note:**

> *I'm not very sure how Japanese addresses work when translated into English I'm sorry  
> \--------------------  
> The idea of Kaneki having a birthmark after rebirth occurred to me when I was thinking about kagunes and how they seem to burst out of a ghoul's skin when they're activated ouo. Apparently the kakuhou has to pierce through flesh first?? (´；ω；`) feel free to correct me if i'm wrong. but anyway, I figured that with him going berserk in his kakuja mode and all, I thought it'd probably leave him quite a big wound if it wasn't for his regenerative abilities and yeahhhh 
> 
> ALSO THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO START AS A DRABBLE OR SOMETHING BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENED FASLDFJ I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT TRYING HARDER ESPECIALLY ON THE LAST PART IM SORRY


End file.
